Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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