try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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