She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
