Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
