is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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