Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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