she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
