Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
