I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
