I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
