Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
