just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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