Pappa wants mamma naked
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I have grass duct taped all over my body
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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