Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Fuck appropriateness.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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