His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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