you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
