You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
40s are totally the cure
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
