Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
