Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
