She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
