trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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