guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
