So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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