I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
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