What did we do last night that was yellow?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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