woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
