Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
we made out on top of his cat.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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