Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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