I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
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