They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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