if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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