Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
