I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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