I can tuck mytits in my pants
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
