Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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