If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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