you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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