Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
