I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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