I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
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This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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