he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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