So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Randomize
