you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
