I can't breathe out the right side of my face
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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