i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
