i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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