At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
