around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
