Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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