Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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