im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
