Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize