Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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