Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
