i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My bed smells like the plague
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
