I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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