I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize