1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
