kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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