I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
