i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
