Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
