Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
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She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
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Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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