this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
