I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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