I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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