She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
