Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
