You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
