what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
