Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
