Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
