god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
