Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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