i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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