You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
